Tuesday, January 25, 2011
what matters to guys
I read somewhere that two things ultimately matter to a guy in his marriage: the number of times he gets obligation-free sex and the amount of criticism he doesn't get. That make total sense to me. I love sex and I hate nagging. I hate nagging so much though that I actually prefer being single than being in a relationship. It's getting worse too. As I get older and the girls I date get older, there is an additional factor that makes a relationship even less palpable : the pressure to get married. Ugh.
people are like stocks
I have a burgeoning theory regarding relationships. We humans, we're stocks. Let me explain. Each of us has a stock price, determined by the market/public. This stock price changes over time. Usually, guys' stock prices increase over time, girls vice versa. This is usually because the things women value in men tend to increase over time--namely wealth. And the things men value in women tend to decrease over time--namely their beauty. But a nine women will most likely never go down to a five and a two man go up to be a nine man. Pretty simple right?
I think using this framework can make the thorny issue of relationships much easier to understand. There is a saying about families: "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Tolstoy bitches! I think this quote is wrong. I think generally relationships are not working for one reason. One partner has a skewed view of his or her stock price and has failed to realize it. Let's say, three years ago, a 4 man got lucky and married a 6 woman--and the woman knew it. But one day, this 4 man hit the jackpot and won a million dollars. Instantly his stock price went up to 9. But in the mind of the 6 woman, he was still a 4 and treated him accordingly. Over time, the 9 man starts to realize his value has increased. Also, he starts to see that his wife has some new wrinkles and has gained a bit of weight. What is going on here is what the finance guys call, "multiple compression or valuation compression." The market is processing new information and revaluing a stock accordingly. As this process occurs in the mind of the man, he starts not wanting to help his wife with the dishes or throwing out the trash. Instead of spending time thinking of romantic gifts to give to his wife, he starts spending more time with ESPN and YouPorn. His wife starts to feel this. She feels unloved and uncherished. She then does what any woman will do in this situation and starts nagging. "How come you don't help with the dishes anymore? You don't care about me! Tell me you care about me!" Or in market terms: "Look buddy! You're a 4 and I'm a 6. You're not treating me properly. Do the dishes bitch!" What she has failed to realize is that the once 4 man is now a 9 and she is still a 6 at best, probably a 5 now. Hello affair. Bye marriage.
I think using this framework can make the thorny issue of relationships much easier to understand. There is a saying about families: "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Tolstoy bitches! I think this quote is wrong. I think generally relationships are not working for one reason. One partner has a skewed view of his or her stock price and has failed to realize it. Let's say, three years ago, a 4 man got lucky and married a 6 woman--and the woman knew it. But one day, this 4 man hit the jackpot and won a million dollars. Instantly his stock price went up to 9. But in the mind of the 6 woman, he was still a 4 and treated him accordingly. Over time, the 9 man starts to realize his value has increased. Also, he starts to see that his wife has some new wrinkles and has gained a bit of weight. What is going on here is what the finance guys call, "multiple compression or valuation compression." The market is processing new information and revaluing a stock accordingly. As this process occurs in the mind of the man, he starts not wanting to help his wife with the dishes or throwing out the trash. Instead of spending time thinking of romantic gifts to give to his wife, he starts spending more time with ESPN and YouPorn. His wife starts to feel this. She feels unloved and uncherished. She then does what any woman will do in this situation and starts nagging. "How come you don't help with the dishes anymore? You don't care about me! Tell me you care about me!" Or in market terms: "Look buddy! You're a 4 and I'm a 6. You're not treating me properly. Do the dishes bitch!" What she has failed to realize is that the once 4 man is now a 9 and she is still a 6 at best, probably a 5 now. Hello affair. Bye marriage.
truth is overrated
I did a lot of reading over this past year and I sort of came to a conclusion: we humans do things primarily because it feels good. This is more profound than it sounds. Let me explain.
I have a theory that a lot of what we do is to signal status and ultimately to feel good about ourselves. Why? Because we evolved over millions of years to seek social status. Those species that enjoyed signaling status where the ones that won mates and reproduced. The species that didn't enjoy brandishing themselves and attracting mates in the process, never got laid and had kids. They went extinct.
What we do, what we buy, how we dress--status, status, status. We pursue status because it feels good on a biological and psychological level. And often we don't even need other people to signal status to--often we are signaling to ourselves, telling ourselves a story we want to hear. "We're smart. We're successful. We're accomplished."
Right now in our modern capitalistic society, status is often correlated with cool and cool is ultimately about distinguishing yourself from other people. Look at how cool I am. How much better I am than you. Status. It's about creating a new hierarchy based on some obscure metric and placing yourself on the top of that hierarchy. That's why cool comes in so many different forms: the hipster, the religious zealot, the gangster, the supermom, the organic hippie, the rich banker, the startup entrepreneur, the yuppie, whatever. It's all about promoting your type of cool, your type of status and saying you're better than other people because of it. Take ghetto cool for example. You live in third-world conditions. You intentionally wear pants too big so they sag and people can see your underwear. You proclaim your lack of education as a bragging right. In a world where the world tells you that you're poor, uneducated, and not going places, you affirm yourself by brandishing those liabilities as your assets. Keeping it real they say. More like keeping real stupid.
So when it comes to making ourselves feel good, something like intelligence or reality shouldn't stand in the way. Which leads me to my next subject, religion. We humans, we're really good at coming up with inventions and innovations to meet our needs and desires. Food cold? We discovered fire. Want to get around faster? We invented cars. Want to tell time? We invented clocks. You get the point. But let's not stop there. We've have even invented things that are technically not possible--like immortality. We all know that immortality is not possible. It would be nice but hey, you don't always get what you want in life. Does that stop humans though? No. Many of us, in fact, most of us, are convinced that we have a life beyond death. That some part of us, usually a soul, will continue on, long after our physical bodies die. We have essentially created immortality through belief. Is there any proof for any of the many religions that we have on this planet? No, but that doesn't stop billions of people from believing. Faith apparently makes it true. Because it would suck if our pathetic lives just ended when we die and we can't have that, can we?
So status feels good because we like feeling like we're better than other people. Religion feels good because it tells us that we're better than those evil unbelievers and those greedy bankers who make 100 times more than we do. It also feels good because it tells us that even though our current life sucks, when we die and go to heaven, it'll be like Hometown Buffet for eternity, with all your favorite friends and family as your company. Add ninety virgins if that's your thing too.
That's why I'm in a real shitty position. Damn, I wish I could believe. Who doesn't want to live forever and have ninety virgins? "God, please give me the faith to believe in you," I always pray before I go to bed. God must not be listening because apparently he hasn't gotten my message yet. Maybe God isn't a He but a She? That would make more sense. She's ignoring me.
I have a theory that a lot of what we do is to signal status and ultimately to feel good about ourselves. Why? Because we evolved over millions of years to seek social status. Those species that enjoyed signaling status where the ones that won mates and reproduced. The species that didn't enjoy brandishing themselves and attracting mates in the process, never got laid and had kids. They went extinct.
What we do, what we buy, how we dress--status, status, status. We pursue status because it feels good on a biological and psychological level. And often we don't even need other people to signal status to--often we are signaling to ourselves, telling ourselves a story we want to hear. "We're smart. We're successful. We're accomplished."
Right now in our modern capitalistic society, status is often correlated with cool and cool is ultimately about distinguishing yourself from other people. Look at how cool I am. How much better I am than you. Status. It's about creating a new hierarchy based on some obscure metric and placing yourself on the top of that hierarchy. That's why cool comes in so many different forms: the hipster, the religious zealot, the gangster, the supermom, the organic hippie, the rich banker, the startup entrepreneur, the yuppie, whatever. It's all about promoting your type of cool, your type of status and saying you're better than other people because of it. Take ghetto cool for example. You live in third-world conditions. You intentionally wear pants too big so they sag and people can see your underwear. You proclaim your lack of education as a bragging right. In a world where the world tells you that you're poor, uneducated, and not going places, you affirm yourself by brandishing those liabilities as your assets. Keeping it real they say. More like keeping real stupid.
So when it comes to making ourselves feel good, something like intelligence or reality shouldn't stand in the way. Which leads me to my next subject, religion. We humans, we're really good at coming up with inventions and innovations to meet our needs and desires. Food cold? We discovered fire. Want to get around faster? We invented cars. Want to tell time? We invented clocks. You get the point. But let's not stop there. We've have even invented things that are technically not possible--like immortality. We all know that immortality is not possible. It would be nice but hey, you don't always get what you want in life. Does that stop humans though? No. Many of us, in fact, most of us, are convinced that we have a life beyond death. That some part of us, usually a soul, will continue on, long after our physical bodies die. We have essentially created immortality through belief. Is there any proof for any of the many religions that we have on this planet? No, but that doesn't stop billions of people from believing. Faith apparently makes it true. Because it would suck if our pathetic lives just ended when we die and we can't have that, can we?
So status feels good because we like feeling like we're better than other people. Religion feels good because it tells us that we're better than those evil unbelievers and those greedy bankers who make 100 times more than we do. It also feels good because it tells us that even though our current life sucks, when we die and go to heaven, it'll be like Hometown Buffet for eternity, with all your favorite friends and family as your company. Add ninety virgins if that's your thing too.
That's why I'm in a real shitty position. Damn, I wish I could believe. Who doesn't want to live forever and have ninety virgins? "God, please give me the faith to believe in you," I always pray before I go to bed. God must not be listening because apparently he hasn't gotten my message yet. Maybe God isn't a He but a She? That would make more sense. She's ignoring me.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Spectator Sports
What is it with people and their spectator sports? Basketball, Football, Baseball, Soccer, Golf, and so on. Why the obsession? I would think that after a hard week of work, one would want to do something besides sit in front of a television and watch a group of african-americans throwing around a ball and getting hit for two hours. What's the point? Your life won't change if the Trojans win or lose. So what's all the fuss?
I used to think like this until I discovered this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we2JJ3bY9iE
It's a Starcraft 2 Replay with Commentary
I don't play Starcraft 2. I used to play Starcraft 1 but I realized long ago, I didn't have the time or the patience to play enough to become good enough to beat other people. And I hate losing. When I discovered these casts on youtube, I discovered that I could still enjoy Starcraft 2 but without taking the time to actually practice and play.
I have no stake in the competitors I watch in these casts. If they win or lose, it doesn't affect me, but I still watch them. Why? The display of skill of the players and the resourcefulness of their strategies and gameplay. The ability to feel victory vicariously through a win of theirs. And sometimes, just because I'm bored and have nothing else to do.
I think this is why other people watch spectator sports. They probably played basketball and football when there were kids but now that they're old and working, they don't have the time and the energy to play anymore. Through ESPN and NFL, they can play vicariously, and experience the highs and lows along with the professional athletes.
Now it makes more sense, but still I don't care much for spectator sports. It's passive entertainment and I think there are better ways of using one's precious leisure time. But hey, it's your life and you can live it the way you want. I just don't understand why EVERYONE seems to watch it and I get flack for not wanting to join in on this collective ritual.
I used to think like this until I discovered this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we2JJ3bY9iE
It's a Starcraft 2 Replay with Commentary
I don't play Starcraft 2. I used to play Starcraft 1 but I realized long ago, I didn't have the time or the patience to play enough to become good enough to beat other people. And I hate losing. When I discovered these casts on youtube, I discovered that I could still enjoy Starcraft 2 but without taking the time to actually practice and play.
I have no stake in the competitors I watch in these casts. If they win or lose, it doesn't affect me, but I still watch them. Why? The display of skill of the players and the resourcefulness of their strategies and gameplay. The ability to feel victory vicariously through a win of theirs. And sometimes, just because I'm bored and have nothing else to do.
I think this is why other people watch spectator sports. They probably played basketball and football when there were kids but now that they're old and working, they don't have the time and the energy to play anymore. Through ESPN and NFL, they can play vicariously, and experience the highs and lows along with the professional athletes.
Now it makes more sense, but still I don't care much for spectator sports. It's passive entertainment and I think there are better ways of using one's precious leisure time. But hey, it's your life and you can live it the way you want. I just don't understand why EVERYONE seems to watch it and I get flack for not wanting to join in on this collective ritual.
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